Fast forward to October of this year...I'm finally engaged....reading the issue of The Knot that's specifically for the NYC area (my first bridal magazine purchased as an engaged lady!)...and I am losing it. "What?! What do you mean we have to register? Omg...we have to apply for a marriage license??" I realized that I had put a lot of thought into the fun, aesthetic aspects of wedding planning like the dress and the centerpieces, yet I was thoroughly unprepared for all of the nitty-gritty aspects of planning this huge and complicated event. This process is so much bigger and crazier than I ever imagined, and there have been many surprises on the way. What's amazing about weddings is that everyone has an opinion, and everyone thinks it should be relatively easy to put together a pretty, personal, inexpensive wedding. It isn't. Especially in my area, where everything is marked up 400 percent just because. Also, it's the holidays, so it's planning upon planning upon planning. And you should know something about me...I both love and loathe planning. So you can see how I kind of feel like I'm on a state of psychological and emotional overload, ready to burst at any given moment.
I imagine that the process of wedding planning is a completely different animal in the age of the internet. There are countless, and I mean countless blogs and websites dedicated to wedding planning and inspiration. This is both good and bad. Two websites that have been undeniably helpful for me are weddingbee.com and weddingwire.com. Weddingbee is a site that I came across while I was in the pre-engagement stage...they have a board called simply "Waiting" where waiting "bees" as they call themselves can discuss, complain and offer support to other waiting bees as they deal with that MIA ring. As much as you may raise an eyebrow to someone looking for support in an "online community," this board was really helpful to me. The vast majority of my friends were not in the realm of seriously waiting on a ring, so it was nice to know that I wasn't crazy - the waiting period is a really stressful, emotional time, especially for us ladies who like to plan (see above). Now that I'm actually engaged, I turn to this site both for the bloggers, who are a diverse group of women who document their planning experiences, and for the members who discuss all of the random issues one comes across in this crazy process. At Weddingbee, you can type in the most random problems, from what ladies thought about the alterations department at a certain bridal salon in your area, to how other brides managed their ever-growing guest lists and budgets. The topics of guest lists and budgets bring me to weddingwire.com, which is super-helpful for when you're really in the midst of planning. It is free, so you just sign up and can manage your budget, guest list, planning checklist, wedding website...it's amazing, and I would highly recommend it.
Other websites that I enjoy are Oncewed.com, Ruffledblog.com, and Stylemepretty.com....but you must observe these sites with caution. They are full of "real weddings" that are great for inspiring your creativity and overall vision for your wedding. This wedding was recently on Ruffled and was just beautiful:
(http://ruffledblog.com/vintage-southern-wedding/)
And then there was this wedding, whose flowers I will definitely be showing my florist for inspiration:
(http://ruffledblog.com/raspberry-pink-romantic-wedding/?pid=506&pageid=27069#ngg-imagebrowser-pic)
Amidst all the pretty, however, there is a dark side to all of the "wedding porn," as these blogs have crassly been called. Some of these weddings will just make you feel like an inferior, completely uncreative and unoriginal person. Take this wedding:
(http://www.oncewed.com/36091/wedding-blog/real-weddings/handmade-georgia-farm-wedding/)
The bride is French (and happens to look like Zooey Deschanel). The groom is Southern. The bride's mother MADE her wedding dress...and the covers for the hay bales...and the table runners. A friend made the boutonnieres. Yet another friend did the catering. They just did away with having a bridal party. And while their wedding was damn beautiful, it also made me angry. While I have a decent amount of hookups (my mom's friend is a florist/event planner, a friend bakes cakes professionally, my fiance is part owner of a wedding photography company)...nothing comes free. And I (nor my fiance) wouldn't really want it that way. Yes it's my wedding day, but I'm not comfortable imposing on people (even my mother) to the point where they are laboring for free. And I'm not a French Zooey Deschanel look-alike. I just can't compete!
Here is the ultimate inferiority-complex inducing wedding. This bride put together her pretty (and very color-coordinated) wedding for 10,000. Mind you, it was in Tenessee, which gives her an unfair advantage...but still.
(http://www.projectwedding.com/wedding-ideas/the-budget-savvy-bride-from-tennessee)
The thing with this bride (and many of these DIY-chic brides) is that she is a graphic designer. So not only did she design all of her stationery, programs, signs...even the wine bottle labels and the utensil wrappers...she also traded her graphic design services for a 2,000 dollar photography package. Yeah. I kind of hate her. I mean, I'm in awe of her but also....jeez. Why did I not take graphic design classes in college? Why do I not have innate floral-arranging abilities? Why oh WHY does my mom not sew? It's enough to drive a bride nuts.
My solution to all of this is to try to prioritize. It's all about figuring out what's important and what's not, and saving your creative energy for those things that really get you excited. There are so many expectations as far as etiquette, traditions and pomp and circumstance when it comes to weddings. Ironically, the "DIY-vintage-shabby-chic-wedding-on-a-budget" weddings that have emerged as a rebellion to the etiquette, traditions and pomp and circumstance are just as daunting to your average bride (aka me) as the crazy "platinum weddings" of yore. You just have to trust that your day will be beautiful and romantic and personal, even if the utensil wrappers don't match the programs. Just don't tell the Budget-Savvy Bride From Tennessee :).
